Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
