DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
