too bad you live with your parents still
well you can't waste a boner
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
