You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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