Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
