I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
