I'm going to jail i love you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
