I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
