gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
