i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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