can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize