I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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