I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
