For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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