I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
