...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize