I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
