Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
