after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
