I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my phone needs a breathalizer
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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