I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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