first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
