Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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