Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
