I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize