a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
