My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
