My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
