know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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