I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
