I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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