Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
