your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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