We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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