I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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