My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
