I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
