My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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