You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
