6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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