And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm passing your future prison.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
