yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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