I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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