She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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