Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
