I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
