I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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