Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
