i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i out mim tonsoeep
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