so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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