Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
