I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Operation Purity has been aborted
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
