do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I didn't notice because vodka
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
