You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
