When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
