You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
