areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it penis luge time yet?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
