So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
