Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
