Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
