I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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