It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
