My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
