This is not my ceiling
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
