Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
