Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize