So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize