i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
