woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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